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The Chip Butty - By Special Guest Correspondent, Baloney Schraggie

The Chip Butty is an institution I am not sure I want to admit membership of, but in support of true scientific research, I shall admit - though, only once - to consuming this monochromatic staple of British diet.

You would think Britain, with its history of Sandwiches (think "The Earl of...") would be more inventive with their bread-based food products, but therein lies the genius of the Chip Butty - it is so classically simple, understated and unexpected: who would have thought that you could get so much starch and empty carbohydrates into such a small, compact space?

That its nutritional content hovers somewhere between zero and minus 20 makes the perfect base (or cap) of a night's heavy drinking, and this is part of its success, particularly in Scotland and working class cities across the UK. Its single colour and single taste could only be described as "unexpected" - in that when you eat something, you would expect it to taste of something... the butty, however, is remarkably bland, which, again, makes it the perfect accompaniment to consuming large portions of alcohol.

It has many derivations, including a personal favourite of mine: the "Fritter Roll" (found - like a rare bird - only at the King's Cafe off Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow), but generally, all these differences are cosmetic - the formula of fried potato in white bread is essentially unchanged, and frankly, unchallenged when it comes to lining one's stomach in grease and starch, which, as we have all discovered, is essential when consuming vast quantities of whisky.

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